It's Complicated
by FromHellWithLove
Summary: He was a moody exiled king; she was a drunk with a big secret. All the dwarves wanted to do was reclaim their home, not be dragged into a very different feud, with creatures far more deadly than orcs.
1. Of Dying and Rebirth

It's complicated

Throughout the history of Arda we have been there. In every moment, in every city, in every age. We hide in the shadows on the rooftops and in the trees. Only revelling ourselves when needed then vanishing without a trace. People associate us with fortune, when they see us we are averting some terrible deed, be it alerting warriors to orcs or rescuing a damsel in distress. But we are more like professional stalkers. Watching your every move, hearing your every thought, invisible to your eyes.

Once Ilúvatar looked out on the Earth and saw the damage done by Melkor, he created us; we are his guardians. Waiting, watching, standing up to fight only when ordered. We never speak to the lower forms, the people of Arda, we come do our jobs and leave without a word, for we are telepaths and their thoughts invade our own, making it hard to focus.

Men's minds are loud and confusing; so many conflicting thoughts both light and dark, when walking among them we learned to tune out their noise, to focus on what's important.

Elven minds are calmer; their thoughts like water running smoothly, both light and dark thoughts run smoothly.

Dwarven minds are loud and strong; their thoughts stubborn, hard to ignore, many are the same thinking of gold, gems and children.

We have gained many names, the cloaked ones, the hidden people, the watchers, the silent shadows, the cold ones.

But who are we really?

Beings of pure energy, we share a hive mind, every action of every being is known by all; we have complete truth and complete freedom. Without flesh forms there is no death, only knowledge and security within each other. And we are fighting a war. A war which has gone on so long only few remember what life was like before, a war of balance.

Between light and dark, the closer you are to the light, the greater your shadow.

We are the light and the higher we fly the further we have to fall.

Melkor's energy was dark and dreadful, his lies infiltrated our hive mind, twisting our thoughts, turning us from logic and poisoning us with the dark. While we have no death, there is no escaping his grip, once he has you you're his. Forever. Once Melkor learned of our ability to move through time as easily as you move through the air, he began plotting, plotting to over through Arda in his youth; by gifting his past form with powers beyond imagination.

It was true when Manwë said not even Ilúvatar could heal the hurts of Arda caused by Melkor, after the battle of Dagor Dagorat when Melkor was destroyed. The Silmarils were broken, and Arda was a paradise once more, where all things lived in peace.

Yet Melkor's followers continued in secret, working on a way to return him to life. One fateful day they succeeded, and everything was destroyed. Terror ruled Middle Earth and Valinor for many Ages until all things where dead; or so it looked. In the destruction we were created. Ilúvatar for reasons unknown let the Earth take this course that the Valar had sent in motion, only at the end of all things did he interfere, creating his third race, creatures that have no use for bodies or emotion, we feel no fear and we feel no pain.

Since Melkor's plotting began we have been fighting him, few of his plans have succeeded and this has caused great pain and suffering to the past and future. We now also have to watch for his 'children' men, elves and dwarves with abilities which could devastate this earth.

Our ancestors also once succeeded in creating a paradise, a beautiful land of trees and mountains; Arda recreated, but Melkor in his wrath destroyed this land leaving it worse than before.

At this time my brothers, sisters and I were created, and first looked out on the land; Valinor and Arda are barren landscapes; rocks, sand and fire, as far as the eye can see, but to us it is home, to us it is beautiful.

Telligus Swamps is the only place where other forms dwell, Flesh forms which have survived all Melkor's deceit and destruction. The Davers, they live in the toxic swamps unbothered by the war around them, they are protected by the swamp gasses which we cannot penetrate. Leaving them to their own devises, they never worry about the world outside their borders.

Davers, I suppose they need some description; they are small, Gollum like creatures (reaching 2 to 3 feet tall), only with more hair and no split personality; they spend their days growing different pipe weeds. It is a mix of this and the poison water they drink, which lead us to refer to them as Hippies or the ones with Melted Minds. If you have ever dealt with Davers you would be stunned at how little they care about the goings on of other folk, all they want is peace and quiet, to lazily climb their rocks and play their music; they have a love of bongos and play them for hours.

I remember when I was young following my brethren to their borders, and listening to their music, so different from our own yet wonderful in its own right. The Davers refer to us as the Pytars, Valar knows why, but to them all things need names.

I dwell with my brothers and sisters in Urbem Redemptiónem, the City of Redemption. Built from a network of caves deep below the surface, full of treasures and wonders and light, it shines like a beacon in the darkness and it is our home.

Now when I say City, I must explain; we have no use for buildings, gold or plants, we do not require sleep or food, our City is a world of its own which we create in our minds. It's hard to describe. Imagine being able to create whatever you want from thin air, and make it go away just as quickly. Urbem Redemptiónem is forever changing shape it is more like a bubble of music forever flowing and changing colour. Forgive me if that is confusing, but it is hard to describe how energy lives to someone of a flesh form.

But I'm getting off track, like I said at the start; we across all Ages, this is because we are not linier or tied to a flesh form, though we take them when needed. We can pass into any age with the will of our Queen.

Queen Tara, her indescribable beauty and wisdom guides us, her motherly presence is forever in our minds, like a bee hive we live and serve her and her alone. She sees all, every moment of every age, each possible outcome of every action, what must and must not be. She knows the path Arda must take to lead us here; unfortunately Melkor also has this gift.

He sends his dark energies to the past hoping to disturb the natural order of this world. By killing one person he destroys all the good they were meant to do and prevents the birth of their descendants, or he prevents them meeting their husbands/wives, stopping all the good they was meant to. As he changes the way things went he can gain power, and he was forever gaining power.

Queen Tara knowing Melkor's deeds stationed Pytars in different times, to watch the people, listening to their thoughts awaiting orders, to stop Melkor's influence and keep the natural order. While in the past we take vacant flesh forms by pouring our energy into the dead bodies of men, elves or dwarves. The corpses are empty, so we take them freely. With no need for air, food or sleep the bodies will hold for as long as our energy does. Our missions are easy; take the forms, complete our task, then release ourselves from the flesh. The bodies become dead once more; we continue as energy, even in the flesh forms we retain our strength, power and telepathic link.

There are three factions to Queen Tara's Task forces, signified by the cloaks we wear, the Brown cloaks protect adults, Red Cloaks protect children, Blue cloaks play cupid making sure Harry meets Sally.

I am one of the Red Cloaks, I have an affinity for children every since I saw them playing, while travelling through time. For this reason Queen Tara chose me and others like me to protect the children. She sees Melkor's plans a few moments after he has made them, and we set out immediately, Melkor has one chance to kill them and we have one chance to save them. We have advantages; our collective mind, the dead flesh of our forms can't feel pain and have no sense of touch. While Melkor's servants take living flesh forms which can be harmed, cause the bodies enough distress and it rejects the energy within. This has a darker side; the flesh forms keep the memories of its possession, driving them mad. Dead forms have no memory they cannot be driven mad and they cannot be killed.

Now you are probably wondering why I am explaining this, well every once in a very long while we lose some one. Yes I said we cannot be killed, but we can be lost. Our energy scattered and ripped from the collective mind, converted into something else. Our energy continues locked within another form. Another immortal form, even mortal flesh when it dies it decays to the earth, trapping our energy within it. Alone. We call it eternal peace. A time when there is nothing, you just exist.

I remember a great battle, the fighting invisible to the lesser beings but our fallen fell visible to their eyes, as great balls of fire falling from the sky. In their tongue they called it the night of falling stars, the beautiful energy of my brothers and sisters falling, becoming stone, tree and ash. Lost forever.

No one has ever returned after being ripped from the collective mind. One of my oldest sisters, she was ripped from me, her presence in our mind lost to us, during a mission to save a dwarf child, the child was saved, but she was lost.

I remember running, my dead limbs moving faster than the living ones of my foe, with no body functions, there is no need to stop. Holding the child tightly, his little fists tightly scrunched in my tunic, he was crying, whimpering. When I looked down saw many emotions of his face; emotions I would never feel, in the collective mind we are pure thought and music. It was because of my pondering of emotion I did not see the dark energy gaining on me, he lunged and Mel pushed me out the way; merging with my foe. She destroyed him completely, and herself. Although I did not see what happened, I felt her leave my mind.

We should have returned then, but we could not leave her; that was our down fall. We had given the enemy an opportunity to destroy us all. When we finally decided to return home, taking flight, they struck.

I don't remember much, only my brothers screaming.

Then an odd feeling, a physical feeling, it frightened me. Months later I would realise it was my first experience of pain. My energy was being merged to the flesh form I had taken, locking me within it. I tried to scream, to call out to my brothers but my mind was shut off. I saw fire envelop my energy and the flesh form I had just left, the dark forces threw me high. Hearing my brother fading cries, and a pulling sensation towards what I could not see. I remember welcoming the unfamiliar darkness.

The Flesh body awoke on soft, cold ground, the first thing I felt was a burning sensation in my chest; like a great weight was crushing me. Opening my mouth I felt air rush down my throat filling the flesh forms lungs. The heart began to beat once more forcing the cold blood to move though the body. The limbs tingled painfully as the circulation returned it was a sensation I wish to forget.

It was then I realised what had happened; my energy was now attached to this flesh form. In an unknown location, in an unknown time, far from the people I knew.

The silence in my mind was the most disorientating sensation, the deafening quiet so unnatural my new eyes began to leak, and my newly beating heart dropped; losing what heat it had gained. I tried moving, but every time a new uncomfortable sensation greeted me. I didn't know what to do or how to move a body which could feel, so I stayed still. The grass beneath me felt like glass spikes against my skin, threatening to slice me open. My eyes continued to leak, I could feel the liquid running down my cold cheeks. It was oddly comforting.

For weeks I dwelled in the forest, lost and alone. No clothing, or company, once I crossed paths with a group of elves, but the silence I was met with frightened me more than the weapons they held. For a long time I tried to enter their minds upon my discovery I fled, hiding while they searched for me, I have not neared flesh forms since.

I can see my energy swirling distressed, trapped in this flesh prison, and no matter how hard I push against the bars I cannot break them. It feels the only way I can be free is through death, but that frightens me, if the flesh dies will my energy find eternal peace? Or is this pain the eternal peace the lost ones receive?

Radagast the Brown found me; half starved half mad weeping in the clearing, naked, unable to communicate. So here I am a being of energy trapped in a flesh form. Living with a wizard who is kind but doesn't make sense half the time, sick for home or some form of contact from my kin, I have never been so truly and utterly alone.

Little did I know this was just the beginning of my adventure, in my new mortal form...


	2. Of Ranting and Drinking

The Rant

This is disgusting! I've been living with Radagast for over a month now; admittedly he is kind and very sweet but also kinda weird. Well anyone who walks around with a nest in his hair and bird faeces on his face is not going to be a great conversationalist or coherent; however I can't fault his heart. But I'm off topic, this is disgusting, I have yet to understand why flesh forms have existed for so long.

Eating, drinking, and using the bathroom, things I have learned, much to my occasional embarrassment. In the first few weeks Radagast thought me to recognise the signs of hunger, _after_ I nearly fainted from not eating, however recognising the signs is a lot easier that eating. After nearly chocking Radagast put me on a liquid diet, until I learnt to swallow properly.

Using the bathroom with Radagasts help for some reason made my face heat up, and his turn very red, needless to say I learned very quickly. And I won't even mention that one week.

Walking! Another thing he taught me, I picked it up quicker than eating as I had run in this form before. The only difference is, the hearts beats and grows tired. And stitches hurt like a goblin.

The most terrifying thing I experienced happened several hours after my arrival, during the night I found my body was not longer functioning properly. My heart rate slowed, my breathing became shallow, I lost control of my body! I felt weak! I couldn't move! I was venerable, defenceless, and then I slipped into unconsciousness. I saw vivid pictures behind my eyes; they offend me with the lack of sensibilities. Upon waking Radagast kindly informed me I had fallen asleep. I did feel stronger after sleeping, but the memory of it was not one I wanted to relive. Radagast loves to sleep, I cannot see why; it's just hours of waste!

Learning movements and actions are easy, but learning to control and differentiate between emotions! That's the hardest thing; anger feels a lot like sadness, which feels a lot like helplessness. Radagast has done much to 'keep my spirits up' as he puts it, but there are something's he can't help with, losing contact with the collective has left me in a maddening silence!

I think Radagast senses this; he often brings home stray animals, like hedgehogs or rats, to keep me company. He plays music very often, I like these times they make me feel... Content, I think is the right emotion. He's currently put me in charge of his Rustabel Rabbits, their very noisy, very friendly and very soft.

Bunny! Bunny! Bunny! So fluffy!

I found another thing which keeps my emotions at bay, and replaces the silence in my mind with a nice buzzing, it's called Whiskey, and Radagast seems to have an endless supply which I have been happily draining.

Blessings to Radagast! He has never once asked me where I came from or how I got to be in the clearing, I think he is just glad for the company. Though I asked him once why he never asked, he got this very curious look on his face, then smiled and chuckled "It's complicated". Personally I think it was an inside joke on his part, and also I have no idea what 'complicated' means

Radagast has kindly explained:

Complicated: Make (something) more difficult or confusing by causing it to be more complex.

And as I didn't understand all that

Complex: Consisting of many different and connected parts.

I have the feeling I will be using that word a lot, if I ever leave this place.

This forest is beginning to scare me, if scared causes the hairs on your arms and neck to stand on end, and the constant need to have light. Then yes I am scared. The trees are growing rot, I can smell decay in the air, and I have the horrible feeling I will be leaving soon, whether I want to or not.

* * *

**A/N me and my freind have been working on this for a while, **

**Next Chap we meet the Dwarves :) **


End file.
